Enter Ye, Weary Hunter

Unbag Thyself The Firesome Lippy

Fire! Prometheus liked it so much, he brought it to earth, that we may have toast, and arson. Of course, he got strapped to a mountain with his liver pecked at by seagulls or something for his troubles. But the question remains.. what happened in the days before fire was brought down from the heavens in a chariot... of fire?
When two rocks were banged together
There were no sparks - instead, the sound was used to imitate a horses cantering. After fire was invented, humans had to make the move to coconuts to avoid accidents.
A magnifying glass left unattended in woodland
Would not be a breach of the Country Code - it was encouraged, as the bending of light would create a lovely rainbow, under which an elf would ensure that all mummy pigs had enough nipples for their offspring.
Flame-Throwers
Were known as "hose-pipes".
A twisted pointy stick
Was not initiate smouldering - and was often used to make breathing holes for worms, who had fallen asleep without surfacing for air.
But that's not all. The lack of fire in Pre-Prometheus England had far more far-reaching implications. For instance...
Bonfire Night
The only firework was that indoor firework "pill that turns into a long stringy poo".
Independance Day
Was celebrated by the insersion of a rod into a cat, which was then waved around in the air. The screaming of the cat was an aural substitute for fizzling sparklers.
Disney's Fire Mountain
Wasn't as good.
On the side of the lipstick, you notice the letters "BU".
I Have All Four | No, I Need More