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The Metro printed the letter. They printed my fucking letter. It was a stupid joke, and they printed it. I love the Metro. People write into it using fake names from the Simpsons, and everything. And they put a picture of a butcher holding up some sausages! How. Cool. Is. That? Excitement between me and a couple of friends who now want to make a day of it. Matt wants to dress up as a butcher and stage a piece of performance art. I want to get drunk and scream "WHY SO HIGH, MEEESTER BLAINE? IS LAND TOO HOT FOR FEETSIES?" Suggestions of sausage costumes are put forward, although a brief web search only produces these, which quite frankly are shit.
Costumes aside, the day could be a whole bunch of stupid, irrelevant fun. Later on in the night, I am called by a friend who tells me that the letter was featured on Liquid News. The back of my neck goes cold, and I drink a bottle of wine.
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Responses to the letter in the Metro... Pro... The Throw Sausages at David Blaine Day (Metro, 11/9/03) is a concept of pure genius and deserves the unqualified support of every person capable of hurling smallgoods at self important tossers. Surely there is a supermarket manager out there who can see the obvious sponsorship opportunities? See you on the day. In reply to Jonathan Blyth throwing sausages at David Blaine, is it OK if I bring a sausage roll instead? I think that the extra weight and rigidity will make it easier to hit the target now that they have erected a security fence to keep back people such as ourseleves. Anti... I could not believe what I was reading this morning (Mail Metro, Blaine in the Neck, 11th Sept '03). I work on a desk full of Americans and am mortified that today of all days you print a letter from a Mr Jonathan Blyth encouraging throwing of sausages at Mr Blaine. How irresponsible are you being knowing how stupid British people have been behaving over Mr Blaine's stunt. I am so embarrassed and will not be collecting my free copy of Metro tomorrow - now I know why it is free! Excuse me? I'm terribly sorry, you mental old bitch, but how does this relate to 9/11? Because Blaine is an American? Don't be such a mental old bitch. You mental bitch. I was absolutely appalled to read the comments from Jonathan Blyth and Robert Terwilliger this morning (Metro, Thurs) regarding David Blaine. Surely printing such stupid comments are tantamount to promoting violence! Whether you appreciate what David Blaine is trying to achieve or not, it worries me that in this case violence is being promoted as something humorous. In response to Mr Blyth's appeal for people to join him beneath the box in order to throw sausages at David Blaine, I will indeed be there and contrary to my 'peaceful' remarks, may well be forced to throw something at Mr Blyth! Oh dear! You scary woman! What will you throw at me? Your Laura Ashley dress? Please don't do that, because then I might be able to see you barren fucking tits swinging around your ankles, you stuck-up mental bitch! AND THE OBLIGITARY POP-PSYCHOLOGY BOLLOCKS just want to know what the point in throwing sausages at David Blaine. (Jonathan Blyth 11/09/03). Do people really feel inferior when people try to achieve something.
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