Her Excessive Skin

The Queen Mother has far too much skin. If you pulled it all out, and rubbed your finger across it so it went all smooth like a Kit-Kat wrapper, it would take you two months, and you'd wear over twenty eight fingers to cracked and bloodied stumps. Stumps, I tell you!

Fifty Queen Mother experts spend an hour every night massaging her redundant skin into her ankles, where they bite it off with a pair of comical chattering teeth. Of course, fifty experts couldn't get that close all at once - that would be harder than double vaginal double anal - they have to use sticks.

The excess skin is made into soap for Ethiopians.