[It is the main sales floor from "Are You Being Served?". Jools is Mrs Slocombe.
         Inman and the bird from Eastenders are also there. A robot stands in the middle of 
         the floor.]

Inman    So this robot is supposed to be replacing us all as the latest in shopkeeping 
         technology?

Bird     I won't stand for it.

Inman    You don't stand for much, if the rumours in menswear are anything to go by.

Jools    Look what I've got. It's a machine that gives you an erection.

Bird     What, like a porn mag?

Jools    Better. You put it on your penis and it sort of sucks up the blood and gives you
         the horn.

Bird     But you haven't got a penis, Mrs Slocombe.

Jools    [confused] Haven't I?

Bird     No, you've got a pussy. A lovely, hairy pussy. [canned laughter]

Jools    Pussy? [canned laughter]

Inman    So technically, that could be used to give a dead man an erection.

         [The scene changes fluidly again, with the quantum leap effect. Jools now sits in 
         the Queen Vic pub with Inman - a whoosh sound separates the scenes, but the 
         conversation is not stilted]

Jools    Not really, because the blood would have congealed in a dead body.

         [a nun has got the round in. She joins Inman and our Jools]

Inman    But if you were really quick, I mean, if they'd only just died....

Jools    Well, I suppose so.

         [Inman picks up the device and runs off]

         [The nun looks at Jools, belches like a foghorn, blows Jool's purple wig off, then 
         she gets up and walks off - as she walks through the pub doors, the Quantum Leap
         body change happens again and Lord Jools is now the nun]

         [Lord Jools walks up to a front door. It is answered by a Dalek wearing a pinny. The 
         purple wig flies back into the scene and lands on the Dalek.]

Dalek    And where have you been? You left the toilet seat up. You know how I have trouble
         with toilet seats. I had to blow it up again.

Jools    [to the camera] Boh, why did I have to marry a Dalek?

         [A caption with cheesy Ronnie Hazelhurst music - "Dalek And The Nun" - an 
         introduction sequence shows the story of their premarital romance. The Dalek talks 
         in a normal-ish voice unless it is in capitals]

Song     He's a dalek, she's a nun,
         She loves to lick, he's got no tongue,
         His laser stick is set to stun,
         It's Dalek & The Nun....
         So sit down and don't be late,

Dalek    Or I'll EXTERMINATE!

Jools    So, what's for dinner?

Dalek    I blew up a chicken in the kitchen. There's some left on the walls but our dog 
         had what went on the floor.

Jools    We haven't got a dog.

Dalek    Well, a dog ate it. You haven't said anything. Haven't you noticed?

Jools    You've had your hair done. Very nice.

Dalek    No, I blew up the lounge. I thought you'd be angry.

Jools    Fine, fine.... I'm just going upstairs to lie down.

Dalek    [giggling] I'll be up in a minute. I'll just slip into something a little more 
         comfortable. [her gun goes off, and blows up a vase] Oh, no! The priceless Ming 
         Vase! Durrr!

         [Jools wakes up on a table in an operating theatre. Two doctors prod at him.]

Dr1      He's coming around.

Jools    Where am I?

Dr1      You're in the Year 2046.

Jools    Where's that?

Dr2      [Black Country accent] Dudley.

Dr1      Give him the tinned baby.

Dr2      Yes, he'll feel better after he's eaten a tinned baby.

Jools    Eur.

Dr1      We all eat tinned babies in the year 2046. We make poor people have them so 
         doctors and architects can eat them. They're considered quite a delicacy.

         [he licks his lips with a lizard tongue]

         [A knock at the door - the atmosphere lightens and an audience of children 
         are revealed. Suddenly we're in Emu's Pink Windmill]

Dr2      There's somebody at the door!

Dr1      There's somebody at the door!

All      There's somebody at the door!

         [Grotbags bursts into the operating theatre - the children boo]

Grotbags Shaddup, you brats.

Doctors  Grotbags! 

Next!