Dear

I am a long-time buyer of your fabulous toys, and nothing would please me more that to aid your success next Christmas by sharing some of my ideas with you. I think a lot about toys.

Firstly, I think that a baby lion would be nice. It would have to be very furry, so that children could hug it. When you put your finger in its mouth, the heat of your finger makes its eyes change colour. And it growls when it's upside-down, or when you tread on it - just like a real tiger! Children are essentially stupid.

After the Tigertronic, you could make the public wet by releasing my new idea, the "ShantyBall". It is a normal ball that has a vibrating whirligig in it, so that it can roll around the floor. At speeds of up to 35mph. But, and here's my coup de grace, as it rolls, it sings full-bodied sailor's songs about having sex with oars. You have to catch it! But it won't shut up!

As I'm sure you know, children will buy any old shit as long as it's reasonably expensive, and cute. So, I suggest the "Eyes Of Robot Puppy".